The first time I heard the term MOTOtarded was at the Weapons Training classroom at Horno in Camp Pendleton (not sure if that’s the right name; there was aging stand and spoorpit right next to it, and we were right around the corner from the PX); I had to have someone explain it to me. Back then I had no idea what moto was, or why you made fun of it. That was 
where I saw a Marine NCO pitch an M249 into the unexpecting arms of the PFC who’d left it six paces away on a table, knocking him ass over appetite..I remember thinking, I can’t decide if that pisses me off (remember where I come from) or if I’m jealous I’m not allowed to do that back at my squadron. It was where I learned that Long Rifle (what we would call Range Control where I work) takes a great, appalling delight in f&$#ing over Marines who ought to be training instead of playing stupid pattycake games, and finally, it’s when I observed that the term Terminal Lance is something Marines who hold that exalted rank take a perverse pride in. Terminal Lance, the cartoon by Maximilian Uriarte, USMC, is an ongoing cartoon strip that captures the stupid vaguaries, assorted miseries and occasional mysteries (like the fascination of phallic artwork) of grunt life, while maintaining that strange delight Marines (particularly non-POGs) take in just how miserable their lives are…and just how bad they know the Corps is going to screw them. I think it’s hilarious, and I only have some outside observation and the stories of my friends and brother to go by. If you’ve ever been (or are) a gyrene, or a green-side corpsman, particularly if you were in a grunt battalion, I am confident you will love Terminal Lance.
If you are or were assigned to Long Rifle (unless things have changed) I really think you have some explaining to do. Seriously, what part of We’re at war do you not understand? Those boys need your cooperation, not your attitude and interference.
Oh, and if you like Terminal Lance, maybe buy a copy of his book.
Warning: Language. Innuendo. Deal with it.
Enjoy Terminal Lance? Check out other Sunday Funnies like Doctrine Man, or Bob on the FOB.
Terminal Lance is hard to beat, but if you’ve got a sense of humor and you’re a grunt, you might just get a kick out of the game reviews over on Under the Radar…they’re looking for feedback on the different FPS reviews (like the Battlefield 3 Campaign) from those of you who actually lay down hate on insurgents and Muj professionally. Anyway, check back every weekend for Sunday Funnies like Jenny and Me: if you want to see more of them, or if you have some suggestions, send them our way. We’re always looking to spread the word, particularly if it’s written/drawn/made/manufactured by someone in the military. No wank sock companies, please. Even Kit Up! has its limits (and we know how grunts are).
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Terminal lance coolie here. The best comics are the earlier ones, below 100. Max has been out for awhile now and the more recent comics are crap.
If you’re a marine and want to gripe with other marines come on by. There are plenty of POGs around so don’t be scared.
Love Terminal Lance
Oorah! Terminal Lance is awesome!
the budget cuts one is great!
Sick.
HA! TL is hilarious
I built that spoor pit / ageing stand and I might have been that NCO who threw that M249 what did he look like?
I think that WE built that spoor pit Freddy. Or rather, we supervised our Terminal Lances building it. Im still trying to remember who we made take a **** in the ageing stand HAHA! This cartoon rocks!
You tell him Norseman! I remember that poor ******* having to provide some interesting ejecta, but I don’t remember who it was.
Oh yea and I hate to correct you man but the term I used to say at the Horno MTU was Motard or Motarded, but your close enough. Say whatever the **** you want you guys rock! Errrrrrr!
I guess Motarded is the verb pronunciation of motard.
I remember the first time I heard motard from my Brother in Law after he got out of Boot. It’s really a great way to describe those individuals. In the Army, we certainly had guys like that, but didn’t have a cool name for them.
Anyway, Terminal Lance is awesome!
Spot on. And don’t think you jarheads are the sole owners of these guys. Plenty of them in the AF.
Freddy; that was indeed your aging stand. I can’t remember if it was you or Williams who threw the SAW. I think the kid was from 1/5. Same class with Ung, Robinson and Geiger, bunch of the students from the Scout Sniper School and some of the 3rd Recon guys. Great class, I had a blast! By the way my kid keeps asking when you’re coming back to Oklahoma.
Oh and sorry about getting motarded wrong…but I could swear those Marines in the 1/8 STA class (?) were saying moto-tarded. However, in fairness they’d bought a LOT of beer that night so it’s entirely possible I got it wrong.
Most joke are funny some I don’t get the repulsive cussing in them though.
You dont get the repulsive cussing? Its the MARINES….cussing is part of the job disctiption. I think its quite accurate….
What ******* part of the ******* cussing don’t you ******* get? ****, you can’t be a Lance if you don’t get that.
******* Graffiti should be the first test at MEPS or apart of the initial interview:)
How much do you really know about long rifle?
Matt: I freely admit, all I know about Long Rifle is what I observed when I was there. The individuals I observed at the time were snide, unhelpful, slow to react to calls for help and extremely condescending to the Marines we were teaching and those of us who were there to teach them. If that was an isolated incident, or if it was that way and has since changed, then that’s awesome. In fairness, I suppose I can’t paint ALL of Long Rifle (and I have no idea how many personnel are there) with the same broad brush. HOWEVER. Over the course of nearly two weeks, I was repeatedly appalled by the attitude the Long Rifle personnel displayed to Marines who were unfailingly polite when asking for assistance or needing to get something done. If it had just been once or twice, I’d have just written it off to guys having a bad day or other stressors. However, for 16 days? It was ridiculous. There’s a war on, and they talked to those young Marines like they were lower forms of life and treated civilian instructors brought in from the outside as second class citizens. Completely unprofessional. Hopefully it has changed, or that was a fluke. If so, I’ll apologize. But I will take some convincing.
I am getting a terminal lance t shirt asap.
I love Terminal Lance.