“…do you want a powerpoint slide with 10 little helicopters on it with little arrows pointing to their location…and a portion of the chart where I actually do first grade addition showing you that I cannot provide you with 3 aircraft?

Brilliant staff work, Doctrine Man

A lot of you reading this will know what a 5-paragraph OP Order is supposed to be like (I hope). Same as a FRAGO or my personal favorite, the sadly under-used Mission Order. It never ceases to amaze me how success in briefing preparation is so frequently measured by power point slides and pages of text generated. Need SSIs for an upcoming inspection? You should spend a large chunk of several weekly staff meeting arguing about how to properly format them, then at the last minute make them about five times as complicated as they really should be. During a joint operation with an Army combat engineer unit once, I sat through an Op Order full of staggeringly inconsequential information. I recall the joy I felt when we spent approximately 15 minutes on the proper employment of turn signals during convoy movement; then we went over the entire cycle of operations of the M240. Sweet.

In any case, should you also be someone who has been or continues to be repeatedly astounded by bureaucratic military inanity, you will like DOCTRINE MAN. I highly recommend it. Check out this video, and visit DM on his Facebook page. You’ll be glad you did.

“…we use the operations order to describe everything from combat operations to setting up a f#$&ing hot dog stand. We also think it’s a good idea to place common sense information in an operations order…I sh@# you not. Not only is this in the fragmentary order, but it takes up half a f#$&ing page and includes needless references to tasks to subordinate units and coordinating instructions for ordering a f#$&ing burger no less…paragraph 3-5-A-1 SUBJECT improved burger king customer service. Task to subordinate units, see Coordinating Instructions. Coordinating Instructions, please know what menu item or value meal number being purchased as soon as possible. Have money ready. Please have one person speak at a time. Know what size value meal if applicable. Know what kind of drink you desire. Be courteous to eatery staff. The POC for this information is the restaurant manager….seriously, do the Canadians go through the entire military decision making process just to get a cup of coffee at Tim Hortons isn Kandahar? FML.

Frustrated with the mind numbing ridiculosity of the world’s largest entrenched bureaucracy? It’s almost guaranteed you’ll like about everything Doctrine Man says. Check out More Mysteries of Command Guidance as well.

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