Here's a little classic military shoot-em-up humor for your weekend. This is the video for an epically bad (yet equally epic) movie set to song. Yep, it's Commando: the Musical. Surely you remember Commando? No? Col. John Matrix, called back into action to rescue his daughter Jenny, before she grew up into a smokin' hot witch? That half naked Australian guy from Mad Max was the villain. Bill Paxton was a Coast Guard radar operator, between his tour as an asshole older brother in Weird Science and his defining role as Hudson in Aliens, remember that? Sure you do. But I'll bet you don't remember Commando like this.
If you don't remember it or just never watched it, what's wrong with you? S4 not issue you a sense of humor? In the words of Badass of the Week, "If you're not familiar with the movie Commando, you should throw your computer out the window and immediately go break into the local video store because this movie whomps more ass than a one-legged asswhomper in an asswhomping contest. Now don't get me wrong; the film is total crap. But it's the kind of crap that you can watch about a thousand times and still enjoy, if for no other reason than just to appreciate the unlimited badassitude embodied within the main character. "
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There's more like this (Predator is awesome) if you want to go check out Jon and Al Kaplan's website. Here's the lyrics (or something close to them):
You know the two of us, we are the closest, living out here. Jenny and me.
Putting ice cream on each others noses and feeding the deer, Jenny and me.
We were going to build a normal life here, a carefree existence of laughter of play,
But General Kirby, he led them right to us, and then the bastards took her away.
Jenny and me.
John—it’s your old friend Bennett
I though you were DEAD not true
John, if you want your daughter you better play along (f*** you)
John, an assassination
I will not do this
You pull it off she’ll be just fine
Don’t put me through this
If you fail we will mail her to you
No deal
You will get her back one piece at a time
Look…you have to help, they took my Jenny; you give me a lift I will follow the trail
Jenny and me
We will fend off all the mall policemen; we’ll let Sully go and Cooke we impale.
Jenny and me
Stop to do some last minute shopping, so many good ones, not easy to choose.
We borrow this plane and we fly to the island
All f**king hell is about to break loose.
Jenny and me
Jenny and mee
Jenny and meee
Jenny and meeeee
John—it’s your old friend Bennett.
Let’s party
I told you I’d be ready for you.
We’ll see
Bennett
You know I’m feeling good John, just like old times.
Matrix and me/Bennett and me
And when you’re laying dead before me
Bullshit
I’ll have finally fulfilled my dream
Ah Bennett
Gonna shoot you between the b**ls
So do it
I will kill you!
Bennett, let off some steam…
You know the two of us, we’re going home now,
back to the mountains for Jenny and me.
Wipe those tears away, cuz Daddy’s here now
Everyone’s dead, you’re finally free.
“We want you to start up your unit again John.”
No chance.
And do you see this woman standing here, she’s gonna be your new mutha
We’re going hooome now,
Jenny and me,
Jenny and MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
