Sunday Funny: Energy Drinks That Kill

Thanks to Mike for giving David this Sunday off. KU6

Napoleon Bonaparte famously said, “An army marches on its stomach.”   While that is true, sometimes simple food is not enough.  When I first joined the U.S. Army, we supplemented ourselves with coffee, tobacco in any and all forms, Mountain Dew, and later, Jolt Cola. These days there are a variety of energy drinks on the market but one that was always available to us in Iraq was Red Bull.  Every HUMVEE in our company had an ice chest in it and every ice chest was stocked with frozen water bottles and Red Bulls prior to every mission. Cans of the drink were part of our unofficial packing list.  These Marines seem to adhere to the same policy and furthermore heartily endorse the product in the way that only combat Marines can. It may not be the type of endorsement the people at Red Bull want or like, but they have it.  * A note on language.  As I said these are combat Marines, the bloody infantry, and their language is rough just like their lives. I wouldn’t my grunts to talk any other way.*

*“Before I go kill terrorists, I drink a little Red Bull. I look through my ACOG scope, and I shoot them in the neck. There is nothing better.”  Translation of Spanish speaking Marine by my buddy Doc. I couldn’t find anyone that speaks French.

  • There is always the classic mix of powdered Rip It, MRE coffee and Skoal. I always thought that was a great combo for mounted patrols…of course it usually had me bouncing around the rig like a pinball, not that I needed much help with that anyway. SQUIRREL!

    • lol

      lol oh those squirrels

  • Sivispace

    Hoo Rah! That’s me devil dogs!

  • Kevin

    French Translation:
    Before I kill the (couldn’t understand the word) with my gun, I drink Red Bull.

    The word was slang which I do not know of I presume.

  • Lance

    Red Bull gives you ACOGs… LOL

  • Johnny Quest

    Red Bull blows.

  • Justmeagain

    Red Bull should change it’s slogan from, “It gives you wings” to “Tastes like fizzy ****.”

  • Matt

    That third guy might be one that Red Bull would approve of. The whole thing was beast.

  • Matt

    Wait no, I meant the guy who sang.

  • xcalbr

    my buddy frequently gave me a energy drinks called XS. they were incredible.

  • red2alpha73

    Thank you, Kevin.


  • BillyWhat?

    Redbull….. rotts your teeth faster than you can punch them out!

  • haslen

    In the British Army its a brew (cup of tea) and a mars bar to get that effect :-) I read recently a similar story of the comparison between the Brits and yanks with tea and cola during the second world war in North Africa… some things never change apart from the brands!

    • @haslen – and a racing spoon? :)

  • Snakebymistake

    Leave it to God’s Misguided Children to come up with a commercial this good for Red Bull. These guys should start their our PR business. It will buy stock if their company goes public. From a Vietnam and Dessert Storm Vet. You guys have it!!!!!!What tallent!!!! I do not want to meet these guys on a dark road when they are patroling!!!

  • gnslngr

    Before I kill the (couldn’t understand the word) with my gun, I drink Red Bull.

    The word was slang which I do not know of I presume.

    Really? Its the other guys that drop their guns and run when confronted with a fair fight ;)

  • Ian

    Energy drinks are old news. My newest fix is those bodybuilding energy powders. If I had to kill a platoon of Jihadis with my bare hands, I’d take BPI Sports 1.M.R Powder. It’s roid rage in powder form!

  • Bonnie Davis

    You guys! Thank you for your service from a very old lady. Thank you, thank you, thank you. As to the Red Bull, carry on.

  • Joseph

    the word is not slang, it’s the word “homme” meaning “man.” Avant que je tue un homme avec mon arme je bois le bull rouge.

  • Mike

    Red Bull…bah! In Vietnam we were often issued Dexedrine…Makes you wide awake and crazy-mean! Now THAT would scare Hadji into converting to Christianity…20-40 US Marines, wired for sound…ooo-RAH!

    • Sivispace

      20-40 US Marines on Dexedrine would be too destructive. Hadji can’t hide in the triple canopy and the USMC is the face of the sledge hammer. They are like the tip of the spear but far more lethal.

  • Sam

    It actually doesn’t taste like ****.